10 Bad Parenting We are Unaware

Parenting is a tough job.  Its either you use it or you lose it.  We are given a huge responsibility to make it or break.  This makes parenting a talk of the town during your get-together, reunions and family celebrations.

Nowadays parenting is considered to be cultural.  There are things that we do as parents that would be acceptable to others or it could be criticized by many.  Below are the 10 Bad Parenting We are Unaware:

  1. We do not set rules – The bible clearly states this rule, “Start children on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. ” Proverbs 22:6.  When we set rules, we have the basis of on how we should react, its either we are going over or we do not do anything as parents.  That is why creating your own family rules is highly encouraged to gain more foundation as a basis of your parenting rules.
  2. We teach superstitious beliefSuperstition is based on the ignorant faith of an object having magical powers. Another word for superstition is “idolatry.” The Bible does not support the idea of things occurring by chance, but nothing is done outside of God’s sovereign control.                                                                                      We grew up with a lot of superstitious beliefs that was passed on to us by our parents.  Some of this beliefs have been embedded in our kids.  For example 1, when the babies have hiccups, put cut out papers on their forehead and the hiccups will be gone.                         
  3. We play favorites –  when we play favorites, we are creating factions to kids.  I grew up being a favorite, by my mother when we were growing.  When my little sister was born she felt neglected because my mother always gives what I wanted.  Up until today my sister and I still have unresolved conflicts because of our parents playing favorites.  This is something we do not want to happen to our kids right? 
  4. We set rules but we do not practice the ruleswalking the talk is as difficult as setting up one.  When we do not practice what we teach the kids,  the kids will copy us even if we do not want it.  The kids have a high view of us we are unaware.  For example, my wife and I set rules not to use digital devices when our little one is around.  But we sometimes use the tablets and phone even if the baby is with us.  Too bad we are still working in progress.
  5. Yelling at your kids – yelling at your kids at any case is not good.  It sends a message that you either angry or stressed.  Yelling attitude creates a bad testimony to your kids which they might bring it when they grow old. The kids would think that yelling would be a normal attitude that they might carry when they got their own family. 
  6. Arguing with your spouse in front of kids– I grew up having my parents argue in front of me or having me as the cause of their arguments.  This has developed a destructive mindset that hunts me even until now.  I would quote something from Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective, Cummings and colleague Patrick Davies from the University of Rochester identify the kinds of destructive tactics that parents use with each other that harm children: verbal aggression like name-calling, insults, and threats of abandonment; physical aggression like hitting and pushing; silent tactics like avoidance, walking out, sulking or withdrawing; or even capitulation—giving in that might look like a solution but isn’t a true one. 
  7. Scolding your kids at the height of your emotions–  disciplining your children by scolding at the height of your emotions either causes retaliation to the kids or break the emotional connection to them.  My suggestion is to set aside time to talk to your kids when you are not angry or stressed.  Give some time to think about your steps before applying any dangerous act of scolding, especially if you are using a disciplinary rod.  For example, if they disobeyed you in public, tell them that you are going to talk to him when you get home.

    “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

    Proverbs 22:6

  8. Comparing your kids to others –  my cousin and I have always being compared when we were growing up.  The idea of being compared in every achievement in schooling left me struggling that caused me to compare things even up to now.  I realized this attitude became a harmful substance in taking care of my family. So never ever allow your kids to be compared to others.  Each and every one would have a unique identity God has created for them.
  9. Neglecting time for your kids– spending valuable time for your kids spells a great impact to their behavior growing up.  Each and every second you spend with your kids will create a lasting effect to engage with people.  This will give you ample time to impact their mindset in the future.
  10. Breaking promises to your kids –  promises should never be broken.  Your kids have the lasting memory to every promise you give to them.  Some researchers suggest that children as young as six months can already register any promise you give to them.

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26 thoughts on “10 Bad Parenting We are Unaware

  1. I agree that setting rules and boundaries is a must, it is not always easy as they grow into the teen years. Good reminders for parents.

  2. Though I’m not a parent, I can only imagine the difficulty of the job. That said, parents can only do their best and hope to find resources to help them do a great job raising a child!

  3. true that…….these are common scenario at home that we are unaware has an impact to kids…..we should be watchful next time of our behaviors as it greatly affect that of our kids……

  4. OMG the cover image itself gave me goose bums, but yes what ever you have mentioned is correct I have seen spoilt kids and the reason is the surrounding and the upbringing. We have not yet had kids but the thought is really scary what the future will bring for our kid. However we as parents will defiantely try our best to give the best of all to our future kids.

  5. I think one of the biggest learnings I’ve had since becoming a parent is to build the way you set rules, discipline, praise etc on the child and not on any pre-conceived ideas of what parenting should be. We’ll all make mistakes, but if you love your child they will give that love back.

  6. I completely agree with rule 1. If you do not set rules, your child will just do as they please. Im also assuming it is difficult to set rules later once your children are already used to no rules… Every soon to be parent should read this article.

  7. I agree with you about setting rules, honoring the promises we make to our children and i know its hard but we must learn to control our emotions and not start yelling or arguing infront of kids. Very well written a good reminder for all parents.

  8. I can’t seem to find my comment that I left here yesterday. So I am guessing that it might have not gone through. Oh well, I am trying to comment again.

    I am not a parent yet myself but bad parenting from the start is going to ruin a child’s future. Great tips from you here which every parent should read.

    p/s if you get two comments from me for this article, you will know why…lol

  9. My parents never argue in front of us. Really great things and every parent should have to learn these things. But I think parents always try their level best to do things that are better for their child.

  10. These are some important factors to consider! I am sure a lot fo us are guilty of a few of these mistakes! I am guilty of breaking promises and I always feel that i dont get to spend enough time

  11. Im not a parent nor have I taken care of a child by myself but I do agree with this. I’m one to have experience half of these as a child especially the favouriting between my brother and I.

  12. The cover photo made me LOL! Making promises is always a hard one. My parents always said don’t make any promises that you can’t keep! -Tonya Morris

  13. ‘Breaking promises to your kids’
    I would say this will really break one’s heart but if the reason for the promise to be delayed is more on the financial aspect, I consider it Okay. Anyway, it is really not a good habit to promise especially if things are still not certain.

  14. For me, the worst a parent can do is compare their kids with some other kid. This is so discouraging and wrong at so many levels. All every kid wants is acceptance and that can never happen if parents are busy comparing

  15. Have to seen any Asian parents (parents of Asian millennials?!) You’ll be surprised how strict our parentals are, and we love them!

  16. Number 1 is quite impossible to most Asian homes. There is always rules on everything, and feeds on our minds how lucky we were born. Lol but true.

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